Shared Memories Gone

I read the obits. A few days ago, I saw the death of a Pfizer Slatington co-worker, Paul Stetz. We worked there in the 1970s. My immediate thought was that I have to tell my brother, Gary. He worked there as well. But my brother Gary died last October. The shared memories my brother and I had of working with Paul can’t be shared. They become my memories alone.

That happens a lot in life. Whether it is caused by death, divorce, or just changing life circumstances, we have special memories that we share with others. When that relationship ends that shared memory can no longer be shared with that person. A lot gets lost.

I recently went through old photos. There were a lot there of me and my ex-wife. In our years together we had a lot of memorable experiences. We don’t get to share in reminiscing about those good times. I think of them from time to time. I wonder if she does too. But the pleasure of sharing those memories with her is lost.

I had a friend for many years. I once tried explaining the expression “cutting off your nose to spite your face” to her. My muddled explanation made her think I was saying that if she cut off her nose, she would still be ugly. We laughed about this for years. Now, whenever I hear that expression, I want to reach out and laugh with her again. But she is no longer in my life due to changing life circumstances. Another shared memory, that I have to savor on my own.

Most of you know that my daughter, Amy, died in 1989. She and I spent countless hours, just the two of us, in her room in a Philly hospital. We watched a lot of TV. One day we were watching Wheel of Fortune. The category was Beatles songs, right up my alley. They posted a three-letter word followed by a one letter word and a four-letter word and a three-letter word. With no letters showing I guessed “And I Love Her”. I was right and Amy was amazed. She told every doctor and nurse what I just did. She couldn’t believe it! I would love to share that memory with her right now, but it remains my memory alone.

Interestingly, for those nostalgic among us, and for those of us who treasure relationships, there is some hope. In Croatia, there is a Museum of Broken Relationships. If you have something from a broken relationship, that you think is worth preserving, you can send it to this museum, and they will keep that shared memory forever. I guess I’m not the only nostalgic one out there!