A Counseling Story

This is not a political rant. But, I have been reading and seeing so much about the attempted rape controversy involving Supreme Court nominee, Brett Kavanaugh, it brought back a lot of memories from when I worked as a Sexual Abuse/ Sexual Assault/ Rape Victim Counselor.

I had this job for four years, as an employee of Crime Victims Council of Lehigh Valley.  CVC is the rape crisis center for Lehigh and Northampton Counties.  It was one of the most frustrating jobs I ever had. It was also one of the most rewarding jobs of my career.

Why was it frustrating?  There are a few reasons. First, I got to see and hear a lot of what my gender does to the female gender. I found it embarrassing, and depressing how violent, yet cowardly, men could be.  Another reason for frustration was the large amount of clients not showing up for their appointments.  I learned often that the main reason for the no shows is that some days it is just too hard to talk about. Finally, frustration arose because I could see how difficult it was for my client to become a survivor, rather than a victim.  Sometimes they have dealt with the PTSD from the abuse or assault for decades. They never knew what would trigger them so they lived in a constant state of fear. Relationships were often difficult for them.

Why was it rewarding? Because, sometimes, I would see a woman regain her self confidence and control. Sometimes, I would see a woman have the first healthy relationship with a male. Sometimes, you would see them nervous and shy at a first session and then by the end of our counseling relationship I would see them smile and laugh and be optimistic.  That was wonderful to see.

We had to be on call every few weeks. If a rape victim showed up at a hospital ER, we were called to be a support for the rape victim, if they wanted the support.  I remember the first time I went to the hospital and met a twenty year old victim of date rape. I assumed she would not want a man hanging around for a rape exam. She surprised me by saying she wanted me to be with her while the exam was performed.  She went through the torture of the exam…the insertion of instruments, the taking of hair samples, the scraping of the insides of her fingernails.  I stayed with her during the exam and we talked about books and literature. The exam took about an hour, I think. When it was finally over and she was released to go home she said to the nurse that she wanted to take me home until she was all over the rape.

The next time it was an eighteen year old victim of date rape. I supported her during her rape exam. During the exam, the nurse told her they were unable to contact her father. She told the nurse that it was ok, because Dennis is my dad right now. I remember leaving the hospital when that was over. I sat in my car and cried for a few minutes.

Frustrating and rewarding. That was the job. But what these women were going through was so much worse. I saw a lot of date rape victims in counseling. That scares me to death being the father of a soon to be sixteen year old.

I know longer do that work, though I do have an occasional client who has abuse in her past.  It remains frustrating and rewarding.