Silly TV Stuff

My last blogpost was a tribute to my daughter, Amy. That took a lot out of me. Hence this totally silly, innocuous, and totally useless look at things that only happen on TV.

When someone gets a present on TV, it looks just like the wrapped gifts we get at home. However, there is no ripping of paper, no untying of ribbons, no looking for a place to throw the trash. On TV, they simply, and easily, lift the lid.  I bet, if you haven’t noticed this already, you will now.

Forests on TV are remarkably neat and pristine. They only contain trees! There are no bushes, no underbrush, no sticker bushes and not even any fallen leaves. No, just trees. Trees in perfect order, none of them fallen and none of them split.  Maybe they do their filming on tree farms.

On television it is possible to run, gesticulate, and even get in and out of a car with a hot cup of coffee. C’mon really!?  There is not one drop of coffee in those cups! No Folgers. No Maxwell House. No Green Mountain. No Starbucks. No Dunkin.  Just Air!

An advantage of being on TV is that if you are going to the hottest club, the most popular  event, or even to the police station to report a crime, you can almost always park right in the front of the building. How is that even possible? Luck? I don’t think so. It’s just TV chicanery.

Hostages on TV have no bodily fluids, apparently. They can be locked in a truck trailer for weeks and there is no sign of any bodily functions. Lovers on TV can make out in the morning with not even a wince due to morning breath.  Women on TV always look gorgeous just getting out of bed.  I’ve seen women in the morning. I beg to differ! Haha.

Finally, if you are only making minimum wage on TV, you can still have a beautiful multi-bedroom apartment in the finest part of town.  If you have a middle class job, like an accountant, expect to live in a mansion! No wonder the world thinks all Americans are rich!

I bet you all have other TV only idiosyncrasies that you have noticed that aren’t on my list. I’d like to hear any you may think of.  Don’t stay inside, today, watching TV and looking for them though. At least in the Lehigh Valley it’s another beautiful day!!