Don’t Always Follow the Rules

I’m a rule follower….for the most part. I pay my bills on time. I don’t cheat on my taxes. I get all my medical tests done in a timely manner. I am on time, or early, for appointments. I count my grocery items before getting in the express lane.

I’m not saying I am perfect. Far from it. I  drive over the speed limit. I try to beat red lights. And, I seem to remember copying a smart kid’s homework , often, in trigonometry class in high school.  I’m sorry Mr. Stettler! On a few bigger issues in my life, I have not always acted with the greatest integrity.

But here are two  little stories about when being a rule follower has left me with a sense of regret that has lasted almost thirty years.

My daughter Amy died on August 21, 1989, at sunrise, in Houston, Texas. She was seventeen years old. She fought a nearly year long battle with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia. While she was fighting that disease, I was following the rules. I can recall two incidents, I know there were more, where my rule following cost her some fun in her last days on earth.

First, Amy was a huge Guns and Roses fan. While she spent her six months at Hahneman Hospital her room was usually filled with the sounds of Axel Rose. They had a song that had the n-word in it. She had a black nurse, who was wonderful. I wouldn’t let Amy listen to Guns and Roses when that nurse was in the room. What was I thinking? I’m sure the nurse could have handled it. She may have been a Guns and Roses fan herself. I was thinking of decorum over my daughter’s needs. A bad dad moment.

Second, we were in MD Anderson Cancer Center, in  Houston, for experimental chemotherapy. We knew it was a long shot, an extreme long shot. We were there over the Fourth of July weekend and heard rumors that you could see fireworks really well from a part of the hospital that was closed off for some reason. Amy wanted to sneak in to see the fireworks. Rule follower dad said no. We aren’t supposed to be in there. What was I thinking? Luckily her mom was there and took her to see the fireworks and they raced, Amy in a wheelchair, down the empty and dark halls. She gave Amy the fun she needed while I stood on the sidelines hoping we didn’t get caught. She died less than two months later.

So regrets….I have a few. I am not trying to teach a lesson in every blog post. But in this one, there is a big one. If your kid is dying, the hell with the rules!

My next post is on Friday. I promise something a little cheerier. Have a wonderful, rule breaking day.