Never Safe Again

“Once you had a child, you were never safe again.” That quote comes from a wonderful book, “Count the Ways” by Joyce Maynard. Eleanor, the main character, thinks this to herself after a friend loses her young daughter to cancer and Eleanor begins to obsess about the safety and happiness of her own children. It’s true. Once you are a parent you are never safe from worry and fear and obsession about the lives your children will live.

From the first drive home from the hospital (don’t get in an accident! don’t get in an accident!) to their first day of school (I hope they make friends). From the day they pass their license permit test to the day they get their first car. From high school graduation day (my work here is done) to move in day at college (I hope they make friends). Wow, what a scary, tumultuous, yet wonderful journey. But even when they are adults that fear never really ends.

I have three children. My greatest desire for them is that they have a better life than I did. I’m not complaining. My life has been mostly good. But even if my life had been perfect, I would want my kids’ lives to be even more perfect. Ahh, the life of a parent.

My first child, Amy, had a short life. Seventeen years. “If I die young bury me in satin. Lay me down in a bed of roses. Take me to the river at dawn. Send me away on the words of a love song”. Yeah. That song. My fear for her, still, is that wherever she is now needs to be a good place. If she is living another life, as I believe she is, I hope her parents love her and that she is as healthy as she can be. I hope they are still playing Guns and Roses on the radio, wherever she may live.

My second child, Andy, is soon to be forty seven. He has a good marriage, two children, and I think he is happy. So what am I afraid of? Oh just those life events that seem to come out of nowhere. He, like all of us, has weathered some of those already. Fingers crossed he continues to handle them well.

My last child is Emma. A freshman at Cedar Crest College. She seems to be happy, when not in Statistics class. My fears for her are bigger because she has so much of life yet to live. Will she find the right man to share her life with? Will she find a fulfilling career? Will she be financially stable? I hope that I taught her enough.

Don’t think that I spend all my time worrying about them. I don’t. I have my own issues to worry about. I continue to revel in my children’s successes and am amazed by their accomplishments. I strive to have an optimistic outlook about their futures. But, as Joyce Maynard said, “Once you had a child, you were never safe again”.