Daughters

I have a coffee mug that says, “Dad, you are my guardian and the champion of my dreams”. I’ve tried to take those roles seriously in my life. I think, mostly, I have succeeded. Do I have a few regrets? Of course I do. Don’t we all?

I have had the honor and privilege to help raise two daughters. What a wonderful experience it has been and continues to be. My daughters were born thirty years apart. I was twenty when my daughter, Amy, was born. I was fifty when my daughter, Emma, was born. They were born in two different eras. They were different children, but in some ways very much the same. And me? Yes, because of thirty years of life experience in between, I was a much different father the second time around.

It’s been an emotionally exhausting week for this dad. On Thursday, Emma moved into her college dorm. On Saturday, I remembered Amy’s death from Leukemia thirty two years before. I cried a few times over the last couple of days. Men can finally do that, right?! It was frowned upon when I was growing up. Stupid societal norms! I hope that one thing that I taught both of my daughters is to just be yourself and not worry too much about what others think. It took me a lifetime to learn that.

Back to my mug. As Emma is now an adult, my role as guardian is changing. As for Amy, I am still the guardian of her memories. I will continue to be the champion of Emma’s dreams until my last breath. I want her to have a better life than mine. My Buddhist beliefs allow me to continue to champion Amy’s dreams, in the many lives she will live after ours together ended.

Those thirty years of life experience between my daughters’ births taught me one very important thing. Everything has a lifespan. Amy’s death at seventeen validated that! Next year I turn seventy. That scares the hell out of me! The end of my lifespan is approaching rapidly, too rapidly. I can only hope that my daughters, wherever they are at this very moment, can say that their dad loved them immeasurably. I hope that they can say that he taught me about love, about having respect for yourself and for others, and to always help those with less than you.

Let me end this post, and lighten the mood a bit, with some lyrics from the John Mayer song, “Daughters”:

So fathers be good to your daughters, Daughters will love like you do. Girls become lovers who turn into mothers, so mothers be good to your daughters too.