I just finished a novel, “Find Me” by Andre Aciman. The general theme of the book is that we all need more courage and less pride. The author believes we should make ourselves vulnerable, take risks, and open ourselves up to adventures and to love. He thinks pride gets in the way of much of that. Here’s a quote from the book: “Pride is the nickname we give fear”.
That got me thinking about the role of pride in my life and in the lives of those around me. I’m especially talking about male pride here. It’s the pride I know best! I am sure women have their own unique blend of pride that I know much less about. My male pride may have kept me from learning more about it.
Most of you know I am a Licensed Professional Counselor and that I do a lot of couples work. You probably think most couples come to see me because of affairs, or financial differences. Well, they do. But lack of communication is often the biggest issue and it often underlies the other two. So much of my couples work involves getting the man to open up about his feelings and openly communicate about everything. You know what often stops men from talking about their feelings? Yep. Male pride. We are taught from a young age to not show vulnerability. I hear this phrase all the time from the woman: I love him, but I’m not in love with him. That’s usually because the man is so closed off, wrapped up in his male pride. Let’s stop that, guys!
Our male pride has kept us out of careers that we may have loved. I’m thinking here of the typical “female” careers of nursing, interior decorating, cosmetology, or elementary education. But you know what else happens? Our male pride keeps women from entering traditional male fields, especially if it the males that are doing the hiring and mentoring.
I am happy to report that we have been making lots of progress in some of these areas. Today’s generation of men is doing so much more, than my generation did, to change this way of thinking. It was only a few generations ago that men wouldn’t even think of changing a diaper. Now they are often the primary caregiver. Progress!
But male pride negatives continue. If I go somewhere with a woman, I like to drive. I’m not a huge fan of driving, so it must be male pride at work. I like that I have always made more money than my partners. Male pride? Probably. I think I am cured of that one. If a woman making a million dollars a year wants to marry me…I’m all in!!
One last example. Remember a few years ago, when a gunman killed 20 first graders about a week before Christmas. President Obama spoke on the subject and had tears in his eyes. A FB friend of mine thought that was a sign of weakness. What could stop any person from getting a little teary thinking about 20 six year old lives ended while their Christmas gifts waited at home? Male pride could do that!
Have a great week! These cool mornings are a sure sign of things to come.
A Semi-retired Kind of Life 