I’m Like a Bird

Well, I’m not like a bird. If I were, I would be more like a penguin, a bit overweight with a tendency to waddle. Are penguins even considered birds? But I digress…in the first paragraph!

The other day I heard the song, “I’m Like a Bird” by Nellie Furtado. It immediately took me back to a job I had in the early 2000s. I was a sexual abuse/assault counselor for Crime Victims Council. Most Friday afternoons I would spend counseling female inmates at Lehigh County Prison. While most of them were there on charges of drugs and /or prostitution, I worked with them on their abuse at the hands of my gender. I saw them individually, but I noticed when two got together they would often burst into that song. “I’m like a bird, I’ll only fly away. I don’t know where my soul is. I don’t know where my home is.”

Almost twenty years later, I still consider this the best population of clients I have had the honor to work with. I learned more about life from these strong women, than I have learned anywhere else. That work was challenging, rewarding, and sometimes entertaining. I thought, on this stormy morning, I would share some of my experiences and mention some of the most memorable women.

There was an underground economy in the prison. One inmate I worked with had it all figured out. She was a good writer, creative, and especially good when writing erotically. She had a good business writing letters for the other inmates to their boyfriends and husbands at home. She always had plenty of money in her prison account.

I learned about the tremendous amount of camaraderie among the female inmates and of course I heard stories about being “gay for the stay”. “Orange is the New Black” had a lot of very realistic themes.

Some of my clients there worked very hard at trying to get their power back. One in particular shared stories of how her boyfriend beat and raped her regularly and how the only place she felt safe was when she was in jail. I liked her a lot. It was difficult stuff to hear. Interestingly, a few years after this, I was working another job counseling sex offenders. Her boyfriend was in one of my groups. He did not have an easy time in that group.

I mentioned that this work could be rewarding. Sometimes you only find that out years later. Two years ago, I was in a traffic jam on Schoenersvile Road. All of a sudden I hear “Dennis! Dennis!”. I look in the mirror and see an older and younger woman running toward me. I recognized the older woman instantly. She was a wonderful client in the prison who worked hard to get her life back on track. I remember her great sense of humor and how sometimes we spent the whole session laughing. She told me that I made a big difference in her life and she thought of me often. That’s what this work is really about, certainly not wealth accumulation.

I also mentioned that this work can be entertaining. Here’s a funny story. I met an inmate for the first time and asked her what she was in for. She said that she was arrested for impersonating an officer. She laughed and laughed. She explained that she is a prostitute. She was “working” and a guy pulled up in his car and offered her ten dollars for her “services”. She was insulted by the low offer, so she made him believe she was a police officer and had him get out of the car and made him stand facing a wall. She took his car for a ride round the block. They both got arrested. I complimented her on her creativity and quick thinking. She laughed and laughed again.

So there is a little sample of my experiences with the female population of Lehigh County Prison. These women were strong, intelligent, creative, and funny. Probably the biggest lesson I learned there is that you just can’t write people off. It is important to get to know people and to know their history. While their experiences may be different than yours they still have that innate need to find happiness. The other thing I learned there, and in my next job working with sex offenders, is that my gender really needs to step up its game!