Parenting in Two Centuries

I was asked recently if I am different as a parent this time around. For those of you who don’t know, I had kids in 1972 and 1974 and then again in 2002. Yes, a dad to kids in two different centuries! My first answer to that question was that nothing comes to mind. But that flip answer bothered me so I put more thought into it.

People suggest that I must be wiser as a parent now. More knowledgeable, for sure. Wiser, debatable. They also assume that now I must have more patience. Uh, no.

I realize that the biggest difference appears to be my intentions as a parent. Of course, my intention was always to be a good father and to raise fine upstanding kids. Which, I did! But, my parenting today has much more of a focus on the future. Back in the day, I was more or less winging it, taking it day by day. Let’s have fun and learn some life lessons and everything will be fine.  Today, I know how important everything is and how those life lessons learned as a child will make a difference in the life your child will lead.  Even worse, if they don’t learn the lessons, life for them could be hell.

That was probably true back in the seventies too, but we didn’t know that. There are two things that have changed, related to my parenting, since the Seventies. Those two things are me and the times.

I am more knowledgeable. Notice I didn’t say wiser! I have tons of my own life experience to use in parenting Emma. When I was raising Amy and Andy I was basically a kid myself.  I have been a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) for twenty years. In that role, I have seen first hand the way parents can screw up their kids’ lives. That, in itself, has been an enlightening experience that helps me not make a lot of those same mistakes. That’s a part of why Emma’s mom and I are the best divorced co-parents in the Lehigh Valley.

The other thing that has changed is the time that we live in. Life is way more complicated. There are tons of options in the paths that our children can take. Most of the time that is a good thing, sometimes it is overwhelming. Having grown up in the 50’s and 60’s, I think it is wonderful that my daughter has so many more paths to follow than a girl growing up back then.  But, the world has also become harder, meaner, and less patient with those that are different. In today’s world, you either make it or you don’t. there doesn’t seem to be a safe place to fall. That alone makes the task of parenting even more important. The world is a much faster place. There is not as much time for manners, patience, kindness, empathy, and common courtesy….you know, the stuff that makes up a soft pace to fall.

Why am I writing about this today, instead of about snowstorms in Slatington in 1965? Here’s why. My daughter. Emma, works part time at Wegmans. She is a 16 year old cashier making a retail wage. Last night, an adult woman called her an “ugly do-nothing”!  The woman was upset that she had to wait 15 seconds for a scanner to charge.  Unfortunately, this type of behavior is all too common today. So good parenting is very important for two reasons. You want your child to be able to handle the rude people of the world. Maybe, more importantly, you don’t want your child to become one of those horrible human beings! I’m sure, with my kids, we are safe on both fronts.

Enjoy your snow day!